I wrapped my robes around me and stood out on the balcony, gazing up at the Moon. The last three… four days had been surreal. “Was this really my life?”
I released a sigh and a smile. I had been so busy with everything that I wasn’t thinking much about the usual plethoras of “What if’s” and Worries. I was just working. It hit me hard.
I had written a book this last week. Started many more. I had more ideas than I had time, but I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed, but rather Nourished and fulfilled. I was deep into Philanthropy and Networking now. I was in a safe place, and I was making vast movements forward. Every day was an Adventure.
Every night, I laid myself down to sleep with a smile on my face.
The next morning I was back on the balcony with a cup of hot chocolate. The smile still on my face. I felt it. Just Nourish the Circle I had. Just Nourish the Clan I had. I was seeing so much…
The Journey of The Soul. This is falling in love with another. And Story is the Doorway to the Soul.
I thought then of my Love. And I smiled. I had written him a letter
Hi. Good morning, you 🙂
I was wanting to write more to you last night, but I was so tired near the end.
I have gotten into giving motivational and inspirational speeches lately, which is rather… presumptuous to say. Only the listener can decide if they will be motivated or inspired and — unless the speaker has achieved this — then it’s just a speech.
I talked about “What Can you do without Money?” and that ignited something inside my team like I have never seen before. All that passion that I have — I realized I can channel it into my speeches. Which is proving to be a great outlet.
I am being nominated as Local Business Person of the Year and that… is strange to me, but I’m happily accepting this. I am so happy for so much in my life right now. We’re at the generating talk stage, which is amazing.
At “Generating Talk” we… It’s Organic. I wanted all of this to be organic. None of it could be manipulated or forced. We had to do this in order and strategically according to the Subconscious Mind and Nature (Same thing) and since then it’s just flowed. We’re focusing so much more on Love, Community, Sharing, Giving, and bringing people together. I love so much about everything right now.
I’m surrounded with such good and warm people. They’re building off of the Garden. I’m seeing it nourish them. They’re becoming empowered and impassioned about life. I’m watching the love we put into the Garden change their Minds from “can’t” to “Yes!” and they embrace their Dreams and their Goals. And that is changing them. They’re taking what we started and they’ve made it their own.
I wish I could explain it better, simpler, more precise.
Imagine a Business — a Company — where you walk in the doors and this Company reaches into your Heart and pulls your Dream out of you. And then this Company ignites a Belief in you that — not only CAN you have your Dream — but suddenly all of the resources are at your fingertips and you WILL DO your Dream. And all the things you ever wanted that were once inside of you ignite back to life and suddenly… You can do anything and all the Obstacles are gone.
And in 3 Months, you’re stepping into your greatest Life Dream. You’ve become it, and you have all the Support around you to Nourish you into your Dream. You just can’t tell Anna that she’s wrong or that she can’t do it. Because you fuck with that, and then the Dreams of all the people around her die. So… Anna’s REALLY REALLY AGGRESSIVE about people telling her that she’s wrong or that she can’t do it — when the Math she’s using is proving just how right she is.
And My Love… Come into my World. You are King here. And I miss you. I miss you so much. But I understand that you may not be ready yet. So I’ll keep your throne for you.
I spoke to a Dog Shelter Non-Profit yesterday and they are in the process of rescuing Dogs from Shelters to train them to be Service Animals for Mental Health. And we are adding his Dream to Community Gaia.
In my Kingdom, we don’t have Jobs. We have Dreams. And Gifting, Sharing, and Love is the Economy.
I have been thinking about my three brands today. My Science/Philanthropy, my Playful Nymph, and my Mistress/Ethical Debauchery… and I am just…
I will turn this world into my Garden. And I am its keeper. I will Nourish each person in this world into their Dream. That is what my Purpose in every life has always been. This is who and what I am. I look at people and I see their Sleeping Dreams. And I think, “The Planet needs your Dream. Your Dream has a VAST purpose and we all need your Dream.”
And some people have Dreams that will touch the lives of 20,000, and some Dreams will touch the lives of 20,000,000, and some Dreams — like your Dreams — will touch the lives of 20,000,000,000,000. Because your Dreams… My King. Your Dreams will inspire so many people. You will help so many people. I see this. I see it so CLEARLY. You are someone magnificent. I can feel it. I can see it. I always have. You are the most important of all because you grow on to do so much.
And you do it JUST in Play.
People change every day. And so too can you. You can wake up one day and just become everything you have always wanted to be. And you will. You will. One day you will just wake up and something will be different and you will ignite to life and you will Become. I know this. I KNOW it. I see that day so clearly. I see you calling me and talking. I see you suddenly hoping. I see you wanting and dreaming. I see you Trusting again. I see you gently coming into my world. And I see you finding the people you have always dreamed about.
And they will love you so deeply and truly that it will nourish you.
And I wish… Of all of my people, you are my most precious and most important. You are the dearest, most beautiful Soul. Do not judge yourself by outward appearances. I know what is inside of your Soul. And I love your Soul. I am very much in love with your Soul.
There. There it is. I fell in love with your Soul. And my love for you nourished me into all that I am today. I Am because of You. I love you.
Anna
My insides purred as I took a sip and closed my eyes. To Love what we have so much, that this Love spills over into those around us… and it spreads through them onto the next ones. To Nourish those who we have.
1st Degree Kin and Clan. Nourish these people and they will gain surplus to Nourish their Kin and Clan.
Take care of your Own.
“It is so hard finding the ones who are your own. You show all of you. Who you are. What you are. And… Prejudice is my most hated thing. And those who are most prejudice are those who are also hypocritical in their Judgment. Prejudice means to Judge without hearing the whole Story. They do not Honor or Respect Logic, which is The Preservation of Quality through the Order of Sequence, which is Story and Journey.”
“The Story Trial.”
I inhaled deeply.
So many people fail the Story Trial. And those who fail the Story Trial the most are the Love Language People.
Over and over again. Not one of them has been able to pass the Test.
They want the Perfect Human without Flaw. And they are first to run and bail the moment the Story takes a turn they don’t like.
And they fail The Story Trial while also claiming to be a Love Person.
But Love — True love — never abandons the Story. Unconditional Love never abandons the Story or listens to the Story out of Order.
I just had another Love Language person (1) Listen to the Story out of Order and (2) Abandon the Story the moment it was perfect and to their liking. Conditional Love. And they did this while I was explaining this Observation I have seen in Love Language People.
Which validates and confirms my point.
So how do I teach this to Love Language People? How do I explain this Blind Spot to Love Language People?
“I hate Love Language People,” I said.
And Bergen was there beside me.
“Why?” he asked suddenly.
I inhaled deeply. Preparing for he descent.
“Because they have enslaved me in my Mind,” I said. “I can feel it and I can’t figure out how to get out.”
And there it was. I could see it in my mind.
“Every Single Love Language Person I have ever met talks down to me like I am Smaller than them. They use words they tell me, “I think you are smaller than me and I’m bigger than you.” They do this when they say, “I’m going to teach you.” They do this when they say, “You have much to learn from me.” They do this when they Contradict me. When they advise me. When they talk to me like I’m ignorant, helpless, or lost. Love Language uses a Shrinking “Greater Than You” Language that puts my Mind into a Box and they take my Voice.”
And there I was. Standing before the Box in my Mind that contained me.
“And I was screaming, Bergen,” I said. “I was screaming inside that box. I was trying to get out. And I can’t. I can’t… I am trying. I’m screaming. And every time I speak to a Love Language Person… a Spiritualist… they push me down deeper into this box.”
“I AM NOT IN THIS BOX!” I scream. “But then they give me Voices that are not mine. They give me “lessons” that are not for me. They have Conversations with me that are not at all for me. Like… They are using a “Kiddie Language” on me and I’m an Adult.
And I want to scream, “Why are you talking to me like that? Like I’m a Child and you’re the Adult? Why are you talking to me like I’m Small and You’re so Big?”
And… I’m trapped in that Box and I can’t get out, but I’m trying.
It’s a Black Magic kind of Spell they weave with Language that seeps into my Mind.
“I’m in the Box!” I’m screaming. And I follow the Voice into the Quantum Self of I. I descend deeper. I’m nearing Logos. I can feel it. “I’m in the Box! But I did not put myself here! They’re words did! Their Perspective of me Did!”
I follow the Screams.
“Keep screaming,” I whisper. “Keep Screaming. I can hear you. I’m coming. I’m following your Voice. Keep Screaming.” I descend deep now. The walls are all black.
“I DO NOT BELONG IN THE BOX!” She screams and I find her. I push open the Door — a hidden Door at the Bottom of Me. and she’s there, in a Box on the floor.
“I DO NOT BELONG IN THE BOX!” She screams. “THEIR PERSPECTIVE PUT ME HERE!” She screams again. “BUT I DO NOT BELONG HERE! And I cannot get out from beneath their Perspective of Me… And it has me in this Box.”
I sat beside the Box.
I meditated.
And there I stood. The Goddess Queen as my Imp King saw me. And this Slave within the Box. Small and Ignorant and “Needing to Learn.” It’s Bait-N-Switch.
Which of us are we to learn? Is it you? Or is it I?
Peer Learning is not at all possible.
“They can’t tell the difference between Peer Learning and Student-to-Teacher Learning. There is Disorder in Learning and now There are “The Teacher Wars.”
“Anna,” I said. I needed the Imp King for this one….
My Love. I need… to talk with you about this…
You looked at me, and you saw me as Me. And that allowed me to see Me. And then I talk to people, and they talk down to me like “They are going to teach me.” Many of them tell me this. They violate my Consent to be taught by them, and they teach me anyway.
And the words they use, their words “Dress” me in a child’s clothing. And they talk to me like I’m small and a school child. They talk to me like I’m ignorant. They talk to me like they have something I need when I don’t.
And I walk away from the conversation feeling like I am wearing their Perspective of me, which isn’t me at all. They haven’t listened to my Story. They don’t know who I am. They don’t know anything at all about my Wants, Desires, or Dreams, or Needs… and they prematurely Sold their Resources to me.
And I feel “Unnamed” and “Mislabelled.” I feel like, when they come around me, I’m wearing this fake mask that they put on me — I didn’t consent to this mask they made me wear at all. And every time I talk with them, this Mask and Perspective they make me wear gets heavier and heavier.
And I feel less and less like the way you see Me when they are around me. And something inside of me is screaming, “THIS ISN’T ME AT ALL!” And — in their presence — I’m being forced to wear the Lies they gave me. And — right now — I have Six different Masks — none of them are mine — that all of them put on me and made me wear. And not one of these Masks is my Truth.
You see my Truth.
And these 6 Masks, they have pushed me into this Box inside of me where I feel trapped and I’m screaming — THIS IS NOT WHO I AM!! KEEP YOUR LIES OFF OF ME!! — And I don’t know how to say this. I don’t know how to just say this. That people put their Lies on me, and their Lies make me smaller to them in their eyes.
You never made me feel this way. You made me feel great and grand and bold and powerful and healthy and wonderful. And that too is how I see you. As being greater than I.
And these Lies they put on me… I don’t know how to get them off of me. I want to call up each one of these peoples and say, “These Lies of yours — Keep them off of me. They are not mine.”
And if they were to deny, I wish to say, “If you knew my Truth, then you never would have sent me “X” and you never would have said “Y” to me. And you never would have talked to me as “Z.” But because you said “X and Y and Z” to me, I know you have placed your Lies on me.
I will write a poem, I think.
Trauma has distorted their ability to perceive my Truth. And so they see me as They WANT to See me and not at all as I am.
And I do not take Lies from People. I do not at all accept their Lies.
And every time someone puts their Lie on me, I feel it boxing me in and… no matter WHAT I do or WHAT I say, I just can’t get out from under their Lie.
And there are days I can’t breathe under their Lies. They’ve boxed me in so small.
And I scream and I rant and I lash about.
And I don’t want to scream and rant and lash about anymore.
I want to problem solve.
And that is why I am here with you. Because someone just put their Lie on me.
And I know you don’t put me in Lies. You See my Truth. And that raises me up.
And then I See your Truth.
