As I heal my soul, I heal my body. Mental Trauma damages the Mind, but it also breaks the Soul and then the body.

I am now in the Soul Healing and thee Body Healing.

Sexual Trauma makes you afraid of your own Essence and Sexuality. As a response, the Body becomes rigid and stops all movement.

“Movement = Sexual.”

This becomes your Subconscious Program. So you freeze up and you walk like a brick. You develop joint pains that start in one area and move throughout.

Physical Therapy and Doctors could not help me with this. They tried. My therapists could not help me with this. They had no idea. I was alone.

I followed my Science into this part of the Quantum Self and as I dove deeper into the Sexuality of me… I found all of my unspoken fears. Fears of my own Sexuality. Fear of my Body. Fear of my Power. Fear of my Soul. Sexuality is rampant in these parts of the Self.

I had started to do Yoga again, and I felt it. It was all in my Sexuality. I could do the Exercises without my Mind “going there” to ask the questions and do the work.

I had two affairs with my second husband. With my Partner, I told him “I will cheat on you.” This was a lie I would later learn. When a person cheats, it is because they are so abused or so Malnourished in love, they are starved for it. Some people are “Collectors” of Nourishment. Some people binge and purge it and are pushed to their limits.

I was pushed to my limits.

I craved Sexual Freedom. I craved Freedom. I craved Nourishment and Love. One of the two affairs was my Alter.

Now, as I reverse the Damage of Sexual Trauma and I re-open myself, I am aware of every single stage. I feel apprehension. I feel wariness. I feel caution.

As I exercise, the sexuality awakens and I encourage it.

“Come on,” I say. “It’s safe to come out now. No one will hurt you. You are free now.”

It is Self Trust. Trust in myself that I can use Discretion in my Sexual Choices. Trust in myself that I won’t have the “Urges” anymore. That my Sexuality will “arouse” and awaken only for the people in the right Stages of Intimacy.

That I control who walks the Path of Intimacy with me.

I thought about my Isolation.

“I’m single.” — I quickly threw that one away. It was wrong.

“I’m Independent!” THAT’S THE WORD! I am Independent.

I am an Exhibitionist. I am a Nudist. I am Playful and I am Sexual, which a lot of people thought was Flirting. The Sexuality I exuded was Natural. I just screamed “Sex!” since I was about 15 years old. And my Playfulness and Kindness — my Sunny Disposition with that — constantly was mistaken as “She wants me.”

I didn’t “drip off of men” or touch them. I didn’t hang on them. I did not kiss them. I was just Free-Spirited, naked — topless at least — and among Nudists that is not at all Special.

I wasn’t Sexualizing anything. I was Open and Intimate because I did allow people into my Energy. And my Energy was pure Love, Sunshine, and Sexuality.

And among men who were starved for Love and Nourishment in a world starved for Kindness, I was desired.

The Combination of all I was attracted the worst of villains to me. And every last one of them wanted to “put me in a cage” and collar me.

I was happy. So very happy. And passionate and Excited. About Life!

I appreciated EVERYTHING.

And — what it really was — now that I’ve looked back on this… It was my Foreign, Playful, Mythical Creature that drew in the same look in their eye that European White Men in the 1600’s looked at a bright, beautiful, foreign and magical Bird and said, “I have to cage this!”

“If I don’t cage this, then it will run away!”

Because I was Wild. And Free. As the Wind and the Rhapsody.

And they tried to tame me.

They tried to break me.

They raped me.

When I finally got out, my Sunshine was gone. My Fire had been put out. My sexuality was gone. I was more abused in the Oasis than I had been in The Shark Tank. I was stupid and careless.

I didn’t know about the Oasis. So I dropped my Guard when I needed my Armor. That is when I was raped in May 2023.

My Mind was safe, but my Spirit — at long last — was finally broken.

“I always had the Love Fruit,” I said, crying. I always had the Love Fruit. It was with me the whole time. I found it…”

I thought back.

“1995. It was Self-Unconditional Love. I had it with me the whole time. It is what kept me alive and kept me going. But… it did not get me OUT of where I was. It only kept me warm. I needed the Wisdom Fruit to get out. And that one… That one took… YEARS to get.”

But then, when I was raped on 10 May 2023, I lost the Love Fruit. I lost it. That incident broke me so deep into my Spirit that my Sunshine went out.

It was Independence. That was the Love Fruit. It was being nourished in the Self so much that you are Independent of all others. It was Freedom. Freedom and Love and Independence. These all are the same.

I was expecting a whole new Journey and Chapter. I was not expecting my Sunshine to burst forth awake and say, “Here I am! You said you wanted the Love Fruit? Guess Who!”

My name is Anna Sunshine Imagination. The Sunshine is my Spirit and Soul. It always has been. I had no idea it was The Love Fruit.

So yes, as my Sexuality awakens and is restored to me. As movement and Dance comes back to me…

Gratitude.

It was the Gratitude that did it. I was laying in bed this morning trying to Appreciate all that I did have. I thought about my Bed. And I felt nothing. Why couldn’t I appreciate what I had?

And then I thought about my Fingers. I thought about a woman who I had heard about recently, whose husband chopped off her hands.

I thought about if that had been me, how much my Voice through my Fingers would have been lost… There is a point when you are playing Piano, that you become so skilled at Piano, that you forget that the music is coming from you. And you think — you feel like — if you stopped playing, the Music would continue. And then, in that moment, your fingers stop “playing the piano” and instead, they dance. Your fingers dance to the Music on the keys.

This is when Mastery takes you and you just Dance to your own Music.

This is the same feeling I get when I type. My Fingers are dancing to the Rhythm of Speech… Frequency is just our Regulation Speed. Nothing more. Nothing Less.

I think this… This will be one Chapter that I published in my Substack.

I have finally condensed my life into a Single “Thread” of Writing that can hold all the Parts of my in an organized fashion.

I think… every now and then, I do write something that I wish to share with my Substack group.

Love, very much is, the “thing” that Connects us as we open ourselves up to Others… No. The Science is wrong on that. Logic Connects us. These Words connected us. But it was the Love that was able to be carried on the Logic from me, to you. I understand. **hugs** I love you. Because you Connected with me long enough to read my Word to receive my love to the end… and thus “I love you.”