I pondered. Today was still a Thinking Day.

“If you do not do X, then you are not a man?” The “Man Qualifications” Fallacy Disguising Bullying –> Racism, Slave Ownership, and Mysogany as “Man Standards.”

What is a Man?

What is a Woman?

What is a Human?

When have I learned enough?

“Grown up?

when I reach wisdom

Societal Solutions Class

“42” when you are done – “life is all about”

retire the slave owner mind with the old world

power economics in psychology

Answering to your Self… Your own Self Quality, Standard, Ethic.

proud of vs self-pride

I found my world today. I found my Dreams. I threw open wide the Doors and I ran into the great Abyss of the Abstract, Dancing with my Dreams. Pink and Purples, Rainbows and Greens, Yellows, and Blues raced me across the Sky I jumped and “canon balled” down, straight into a Sea of Rainbow Pastels that splashed across the Grid.

The sky streaked Light Blue and I dove back into the Pastel Sea of Rainbow, my mermaid tail taking for with my rainbow hair cascading down my back.

I dove deep and the Waters became the Crystal Blue of the Carribbean. Golden Sands stretched out ahead and Peabirds overhead, took flight. I swam long and hard, throwing myself up into the air and diving back down again. The sun shone high overhead and I swam, harder, longer, deeper than ever before.

I came to the island — My Garden — and it ruptured into foliage and flowers, greens and vines as I pulled myself onto the stand and then on transformed legs. Taking a breath to smile wide and bright, I burst into a sprint and ran — faster than I ever could run before, I ran. I leapt, and the Golden Seidr of my Essence caught me, carried me and I lept. Beneath me and around, Green life exploded.

My rainbow hair bursting with flowers. I leapt and turned, opening my palm and blowing. Seeds sprayed forth from my hand and scattered the Island and earth with my seed.

I spread my arms and my white, leathered wings burst forth. I flew up and and high and flew down quite suddenly. I wore my hair like a toga, letting it grow down to my wait. I flew to the top of my Beacon and then, still smiling, I flew, spiraling around, seeding Vines and Wisteria and Grapes around the Lighthouse.

I hit the ground with a landing “thud” and pulled myself upright, my wings, like a gown, cascading down my back with my hair as I walked in the golden sand.

Animals moved and raced around the island. Birds and Doves. Owls. Bees. So many Bees. Green and golden Honey bees. Fat Bumble bees. The blue, warm sea washed up on shore and I spread my arms wide to greet her.

Palm trees and shrubs continued to grow, bursting life forth like a living jungle.

The stones were gone. A marble stone wall started to emerge and grow tall. Behind the walls, waterfalls cascaded down from the rising, igneous rock. Pink Flamingos and banana trees. Coconuts and red hibiscus.

I walked naked around the wall until I came to the gate. I ran my hands over the iron and and entered the breathtaking shades of trees. A nearby pool welcomed me as I stepped into the shaded, tropical clearing that surrounded a deep clear, fresh water pool. A waterfall, high and elegant fell into its depths.

I shook my wings, expanding them as I took flight. High up and then, straight down. Trading then my wings for my tail just as I plunged into the pool of fresh water.

I swam in my pool for what felt like hours, enjoying the water on my body.

I pulled myself up and out after a while I heaved myself up on a rock. Still with my tail. I leaned back on the rock and gazed at the sun. Thinking long and hard about everything. Imagination. Play. Sex. These three things had been gone from me for so long… I felt my gut churn with a familiar fire.

I thought then of sex and loyalty. Freedom. And the Stages of Intimacy.

My tail shifted and my legs were back. I looked at my Lighthouse. I looked at my Garden. What I really wanted just then was my Dungeon.

I hadn’t been in my Dungeon in nearly three years.

It was not possible to explore the Self and not explore Sexuality…  The question really was — do I explore that here? Or do I isolate it…?