I was in the Quantum Self this morning.

Something “tipped” me over in my mind. I felt it. Between the life long Philosophical Studies and the Psychology of Ancient Greece and now my studies in the Language… Something was different.

Heat pooled in my belly.

I was understanding so much more and quickly.

“I named the Fruit,” I said. “Never put Name before Knowing.”

I had named the Fruit and thus given it a false name. When I broke my Law, it violated the Logic.

Back to the Wisdom Fruit. Truth.

This — “Ludus,” I said. I had no doubt. It’s name was Ludus. Warmth Play Love in Sun and Joy. I’ve had this in me all of my Love. Ludus was a Love that sits deep within. It was my Sunshine Imagination Adventures. It was Juananna.

And then, I felt it. The Bridge. The Conduit. The… Rainbow Bridge.

“Bilrost,” I whispered. Thinking.

“Bil” is Old Norse for “Moment.” “Rost” is Old Norse for “Road…” But Snurri Sturluson who wrote the Prose Edda, was Icelandic. “Rost” in Old Icelandic means “Strong Current.”

Bilrost meant “Momentary Strong Current.”

The Bilrost Fruit. That is what this really is. It was also called “Asbru.” The God’s Bridge.

And Bilrost was the Way to Heaven.

Love on Land. Wisdom was the Kingdom of Heaven. Bilrost was the Passage — the Current — to deliver the wealth of Heaven to Land. Love. Self.

Human Connection. Logic is the whole thing. But Human Connection is Agape. Agape is the Human Connection.

I thought about Edifying. Agape. 1 Corinthians 14.

Gift +> Vulnerable +> Trust +> Story +> Reciprocity +> Karma + Gratitude +> Mirror +> Balance…

Balance

Balance

Balance

We Intuitively must maintain Balance.

So we give back.

Connect. Give. Receive. Gratitude. Give Receive. Weave.

We’re building the Story.

Weaving Dream into Story.

And then I give knowledge from the Point of… Plato’s Point. The Universe’s Plato’s Point.

I must Edify. I must Syphon the Knowledge from Plato’s Point…

But… Finding the right people to Connect with… So that they will even understand me.

I walk. I must walk. I must walk.

I am not a Pilgrim. Not anymore. I was. I found the Holy Grail. I have built The Philosopher’s Stone. Now. I have to “turn it on.” And Connect it.

I looked up from the pages toward you.

“You,” I said simply.

“You’re connecting with me here and now.”

Suddenly I realized, I’m right where I’ve always needed you to be. All I had to do was… “Talk.”

I will write all I know in The Game. I will write it all there.

I put the pen down.

I had done it. I had started “The Game : Yggdrasil” and the Book within the Book “The Fae Queen’s Chambers.”

I felt the heat in my belly roar like a furnace.

I understood. I understood it all.

But I wasn’t at liberty to talk about it here. Why was this… Getting so… The Stone had been crackling all morning. First Lugal and then Hermeticism. I was close. I needed… Something… But what?

I was up and running suddenly, down to the Dungeon as fast as I could run.

***

I kicked open the door to my Dungeon and stripped off my clothes. I slid onto the puddles of pillows and cushions and at once, stretched out naked on the floor. My fingers were inside of me a moment later and I moaned. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Nothing. This is normal.”

I trusted it and followed.

I felt my skin burn. My breasts were swollen and my nipples hard. Something was happening to me. I went with it. I needed to orgasm. I needed to Manifest — Why Manifest? I didn’t understand. I just went with this.

Goddess of Fertilization and Sexuality. Did you really think you could avoid this? Like you did know?

I knew. I was a Fertility Goddess. I knew. You can’t be Mother and not be a Fertility Goddess.

Not “A.” “THE” Fertility Goddess.

I spread my legs and groaned harder, louder, I needed to cum. I needed release. This alone would bring me sanity and subside — Something was happening to me. I couldn’t understand it, but this was part of The Philosopher’s Stone.

Go with it Anna. You’re an Ancient Goddess from the beginning of Time. You’re coming back into yourself. Go with it.

And I did. In ecstasy, I released and arched my back. Throwing back my head as I succumbed to it. My mind — all thoughts — on my Imp King.

My body dropped back to the floor. I breathed and then, I cried. I curled myself up into a fetal position and wept like I always did following an orgasm. I missed my husband.

“Ask the World for the Love of your Life,” I said under my sobs. “And see where your Compass points. Then you will know the Truth.”

My compass always pointed to him.

My sexuality was meant for him.

***

I laid there for quite a while. Thinking. I was building these “Choose Your Own Adventure” Stories, descending each into a different part of me. It was not possible to explore the Self and not open up your Sexuality. And mine had been closed off since I was raped on 10 May 2023.

It was opening up again.

I felt the pool of Sex building. It all made sense now. All of it. I just didn’t see anyway around the Sexuality. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t figure out a way around it. And now I had story within story blossoming.

I wasn’t good at “containing” my Sexual Side for very long. It’s why I wrote so much. One of the reasons. I knew what this was. I had Indulged on Celibacy for nearly two years after 40 years of Slavery. It was time to Moderate and Integrate.

I was not Polyamorous. Not at all. But I wasn’t Monogamous either. My Imp King had said it best. Monogamous-ish. And that was the most Truth he and I had ever spoken about the subject. We came to love in Ludus. And there it was we found Pragma.

“It feels like he’s awake,” I whispered. It did feel like he has woken up. “I swear… Sexuality is very much part of this Philosopher’s Stone.”

I pondered this a moment and thought.

I couldn’t keep this separate from my Book. Into The Abstract would have to be Sexual, which meant, the Book just became “Not For Children or Teens.”

Everything is about Sex. Accept Sex. Sex was about The Self. I stood, taking up my clothes and walked back up the steps to the Lighthouse Foyer and across the Hall to the Right Door. Up the steps back to my Office and Chambers.

I slipped my clothes back on.

The Philosopher’s Stone pulsed with Life.

It was time to get to work on the damn thing.