Life isn’t easy when you’re a Goddess returned in the 21st Century during the Apocalypse and End of Days. While Society is collapsing all around the World, you have to “sit this one out” and watch it all happen.

There is one Law. Only One Law that sits above all the others and no one — NO ONE — violates this Law. Not even the Gods.

“Make It Logical.”

If you don’t make it Logical,  then it has to come down.

And the whole world had front row seats to all the Lies Coming Down like London Bridge.

It was Spring Cleaning for the Universe.

I was different. 8 Billion People, and I was different. Very Different. Different with a Capital “D” for “Deity.” It’s called a Dingr in Old Persian, but no one read books anymore. Not the Ancient ones anyway.

And by “Ancient” I meant 2,000 Years and older. MUCH Older.

I was Different also as an Author. While most Authors live in the “Real World” and write in Fantasy, I lived in “Fantasy” and wrote in the “Real World.” So my books are my World. These Books — The ones that you call “Fiction” these are my Realities.

What can I say? The world isn’t ready for me yet. I had Three Parts to me. The Goddess of Wisdom and Science where I poured all of my Real Life Philanthropy that they all could handle — even then it was mind blowing big for them.

The Ludus Me — Imagination — who played and danced on Moonbeams and Dreams and who could transform into my White Dragon — Asha — or my Mermaid self while I swam in the Carribbean blue sea around my Abstract Island.

And Satan’s Wife. The BDSM Mistress side of Me. The Debacherous Side of me that just… Had an itch I had to scratch. Ethically!

Bergen — Pronounced Bear-gen — brought me here — which is my way of saying My Defense System brought me here. God Transformation takes time and is a Personal affair. But also, the Logic of it can…

It’s insane. All of it. It’s a lot. And when God herself “wakes” up and suddenly Remembers EVERYTHING she every was and ever will be, but finds herself smack dab in the middle of New York City in the year 2023… You hide. In a book. Labelled as “Fiction” where you’re free to finish your God Transformation in peace.

This way, those who “get it” can see it, witness, learn, and enjoy the ride with me.

And those who need to keep calling this whole thing a “Fiction” have the freedom of their Denial a little longer.

I was standing now on the beach of my golden sands. My tropical Garden behind me. And in the middle of me “Garden of Eden” was my Lighthouse. My giant ass, stone Lighthouse that reached up to the Sky… In a few years, Students from around the world would come to Eden.

To learn.

For now. This day, it was my God Transformation Center and Training Temple while I learned how to use my God Powers so I wouldn’t hurt anyone or scare anyone. And I could think, plan, and figure this whole shit out while I wrote up the last of the Universal Code.

Oh! Yes. Fun Fact. Becoming God comes with a few Perks.

(1) You get to inherit the Universal Code from your Past Self while you “pick up where you left off” and you continue the Code. We’re all living in a God Simulator.

It was my idea. Of course. “Perfect the Perfect God World” and get it right before you settle on a Perfect Eternity.

We’ve done this 5 Times now. This will be the last time.

And then, I get to put the People through the Simulator — That’s Community Gaia. I “adjust” the Educational System with my Poiotestat to adjust the People so they will be nourished to the right balanced setting aligned to their Subconscious Minds, Mother Nature — that’s me –, and Universe.

I had my Imp King — Satan. God of Love, Death, and Medicine asleep in a God-Coma back at my Palace — Our Palace where we once lived side by side. He was my King and is the Love of my Life. He’s in a kind of “incubator” while he goes through his own God Cocoon.

The process is brutal.

I had spent the last two years looking for the “Cure” — the Formula — to his and the World’s Mind Death. And — yesterday — I found it.

A week ago-ish, I found The Money Fruit — which is really the Freedom Fruit or The “Agape” Fruit — No. That still doesn’t feel right — And I had assembled it with the Wisdom Fruit and the Ludus Fruit to build The Philosopher’s Stone.

I knew — I could feel it — soon, I would have the Key to unlock The Prison that held The other Gods and I would set them free. Oh, yeah. Fun times.

I stared off into the Sea. My Ship — The HMS Slush Brain — sat in port. Her sails furled.

I was meant to go on an adventure into the Logos Level of the Quantum Self within the Abstract, but Bergen brought me here. He was right to.

I needed to finish my God Transformation.

My heart felt heavy. In the Meta World — that is what you call “The Real World” I was finishing up dinner and was getting ready to watch The Walking Dead. Today, I finished Into The Abstract Book #1 and 12 Ethics to Jesus. I felt it inside of me. The Game or my “Satan’s Wife” books would be next.

“Becoming Zarathustra” was also on my mind.

I knew it.

Over the next few years, I would just write.

It was the only way to let people into my World so that they could know me. And then, when they were ready, I could come out as I am and be seen.

I turned from the sea and headed back toward my Lighthouse.

I pushed my Surplus Ludus through me and watched it nourish the Gardens as I walked. My vast water fountain welcomed me and I resisted the urge to sit and meditate. I entered the Limestone Lighthouse through the double Oak doors and veered Right toward the oak door that would take me up to the spiral stone staircase to the second floor — a balcony that wrapped around the Great Amphitheater on the First floor, and also, my Chambers.

I opened the door and drank in the rich velvets and fabrics.

The rich woods and breathtaking artesian work. I spotted my desk and The Philosopher’s Stone.

“Logos” I said. “It would be the Logic Fruit.” The Story Fruit.

I sat down at the desk and sighed.

I had to plan this. I had to think. I had to know precisely what my next move would be.

It was getting dark outside.

I looked at my Bible beside The Philosopher’s Stone.

The “Ashavana’s Guide To Restoring The Ashavana back to Power So They Can Free The God of Love from His Prison” Manual.

I had exhausted it these last few years. I was the only one who could even read the damn thing.

“What am I supposed to do now?” I asked the book.

“I can’t just walk out there, “Here I am! I’m back! I am he Wife of the God of Love only — oh, yeah, the REAL God of Love is the guy you guys all call Satan, who’s ACTUALLY the True God, but you all got fooled by The God of Thieves, Liars, and Cheaters — Lord Marduk — who killed my husband, imprisoned him, raped me, wiped clean my memory, and made me the whore of Man for 2,000 years. Right. THAT God of Love.”

I thought of Ester.

“Right.”

I was supposed to build the City. Check.

I was supposed to build the Global Immune System. Check.

I was supposed to build the Communities. Check.

I was ready soon to free the Gods. Check.

I felt like I was being held back again to make way for this challenge and lesson, but… I didn’t know what I was supposed to be learning.

I rubbed my face. In the Meta Plane, I decided to make myself some hot chocolate.

I had my hot chocolate. I sighed and sat back, staring at my desk.

Planning and Building a System in 18 months that would save the world? Easy.

Networking and gathering the team together? Easy.

Manifesting the Knowledge while my Future Self used my Dreams to walk me through the Assembly instructions? Easy.

Learning the Forgotten Ashavana Language so I could decipher my own message from the Bible and the Universal Clock? Easy.

Introducing myself to the world and letting my people see me? I felt a sick on my stomach.

They were expecting a man. A White, Aramaic Middle-Aged Man from the Middle East.

I was a White Woman from New York, with a hard streak of Ireland running through her.

“Hey.”

I turned to Bergen behind me. The 6’2” Nord Lord filled the door. His long, black hair was pulled back neatly with a bit of leather. His great sword — Firstborn — strapped to his back. The only sword that could kill a Fae.

He decided to be wearing a tunic — this time.

“You’re weighted down,” he said and entered the room.

“I am,” I said and sighed.

He rubbed my shoulders. Which was weird. He never did that. Like… Ever.

I peered up at him.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said and stopped, taking a seat on the chair angled toward the cold fireplace.

“What’s on your mind,” he invited me to speak.

I sighed again.

“I can’t… figure out how to get me from here to there,” I said.

“Where is there?” he asked.

I sat back and stared up at the ceiling.

“I can see me laughing with them — DeJa Vu — I can see me playing with them. I can see me going on stage “in character” as we all will call it. I can see me talking to them on stage as myself. Talking about what it was like to become God and remember. What it was like, bolding coming out — in character — to speak my truth.

I’m the Reverse Author. I’m me, Bergen. And I am as I am. But also… I’m God. How the hell do you be Authentic to your Truth, Tell the Truth, and also show up as you are when you’re God in the 21st Century?

“Just be myself,” is the answer. Only… I’m God. So will they receive me? And if they don’t…”

I looked down at my hands.

“I’m cold,” I muttered. With a flick of my wrist, fire erupted from my hand and blasted into the cold fire place. In a second, the fire place was crackling, alive. Bergen hadn’t flinched.

“I can feel it,” I said. “I can see myself doing that in real life,” I said. “I’m weeks — months away from being able to do it.”

“Just… Be yourself,” Bergen said.

“I can see the Podcasts. I can see the Stages. I can see the Events.”

“Where are the Ancient Greeks now that we need them more than ever,” I whispered, remembering the quote I had read the other day. “I’m right here,” I whispered. “I am right here.”

“I can’t scare them, Bergen. I can’t scare them. I would wait until they are ready for me. Until then… I need to go slow. For them.”

And there it was. I felt it. The real reason behind the delay. All of it. I scoffed a stifled laugh and looked at my hands.

“I am worried about them,” I said.  “I am worried about all of them. The world has gone to shit. The Lies are coming down. God hasn’t forsaken them. I’m right here. Why wasn’t “The Reveal” ever… It feels like a block,” I said to him, looking at him.

“It feels like a block, Bergen.”

“You should relax,” he said.

“I’ve been going and going for… years. All of my life,” I said. “Maybe I need to just… Fall back and… Trust.”

Trust was the wrong word.

“It felt like a calm before the storm,” I whispered. “Such calm.”

It felt like a time for rest.

It felt like a time for…

“I don’t know,” I said, standing from the chair. A moment later I was settling myself on the floor beside Bergen’s legs and resting my head on his knee.

I felt him push back my hair, combing it with his fingers.

“I don’t want to hide,” I said softly. “But I don’t want to scare them. So I’ll play with them.” I smiled.

“When this started, I questioned it. I second guessed myself. I couldn’t believe what I was remembering. But denying it was causing me mental sick. Now that I had fully remembered and had accepted it, I needed a safe place to talk about it among friends. With myself. I had — at first — ran through all the evidence a thousand times.

Bottom line, I could do things no one else could do. I knew things, no one else knew. I was something no one else could explain. I took my knowledge to the top of the world and —  among the World’s Greatest Geniuses – they looked at me with disbelief and called me God.

I wouldn’t say it outside of this world — Outside of this Role I now had to play — but when they told me, “You’re God,” I would nod and say only, “I know.”

I have a job. “God” was my job. It was to Nourish 8 Billion People and 200 Countries at precisely the right time.

Appear too soon. Panic. Fear.

There would be no appearing too late.

But also, The First Law of Logic had to be honored.

I wasn’t as Powerful as I needed to be. Not yet. I had run the Math. July 2026 I would be “done cooking.”

“I feel like I’m out of questions,” I said.

His fingers pushed my hair behind my ear.

“Which book will you begin next?” he asked.

I thought about that.

“I wanted to get into Yes, Mistress. Finish that one off. I wanted to get into…”

I thought on this. I had “Becoming Zarathustra” also on my mind, although…

“Oh. There it was,” I sighed. “I needed to change my course.” My ship was shifting to better align with where I was. I felt the need to strip others off and move in a different direction… I felt it.

Setting up Logic takes Patience. Time was Logic itself. That is what no one in Universe “A” knew yet. That Time was Logic. And the Progression through that Time… that was Nourishment, which is Being In love. Most people weren’t “In Love.” They were outside of it. Backs turned to it. Running the opposite direction.

When you push Logic away, you’re really pushing Love away.

There was saying everything that need to be said and in the right order… And then there was making sure the words and books got in front of the Audience in the right order at the right time.

And then there was me always making sure that my Worlds — The Science with substantial A Priori Evidence and The Intuition Stages of Feelings and Vision and Becoming God — stayed far away from each other at all times.

Of all of this, that was the hardest, most challenging part of all of this. And — when I finally reached the point where I could not guarantee their separation, I came here into the Abstract. To keep writing it all down as I needed. To keep track of it all… But the Science?

There were things I could Feel and See that were weeks and months away from Scientific Method. But I would not risk the Integrity of the Research or the Science. I would not sacrifice the Quality of The Science.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his fingers in my hair.

And… For the first time ever, I felt guilty as my mind drifted back to the Imp King. I sat up from Bergen’s knee and pulled away as he dropped his hand from my hair.

“Ah, lass,” he said. “I was waiting for this.”

I hugged my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees.

I felt it strong now. My Pragma toward The Imp King was stronger than ever. And it was getting stronger.

I buried my knees against my eyes and resisted the tears.

“I’ve always had you,” I whispered to Bergen. “You’ve always been there.”

“And I still am, Pygmalion. I still am.”

“This fealty toward him,” I said. “It’s getting stronger.”

I sighed and looked into the fire.

“You’re me,” I told him. “You’re my Defense System,” I said. “You’re… the Character in my Books. You were my lover… You even were one of my Alters once. You are the Part of me that was Man. Bergen,” I whispered and looked at him. “I was even in love with you once.”

“Was?” he asked.

I cocked my head, suddenly realizing. “Your eyes are still black.” I said.

He smiled. “Narcissus? Or Pygmalion?”

“I feel you fading,” I said.

He shrugged. “You’ll keep me around… Just to have someone to talk to at least if nothing else.”

I was getting tired. I was not able to keep my head up. Before I could move to stand, he was up and picking me up off the floor, carrying me to my bed. I think I was asleep before my head even touched the pillow.