Every morning, I do this morning routine that my dear friend, Fernando, introduced me to.
The Goals…
This morning, I discovered the Ethic of Trusting in God and Learning how to Relax and Humble to receive the Servitude of Others.
I have to learn how to Humble to Receive.
I have to learn how to Surrender in order to Trust those who serve me.
I must meditate more and do less.
I must work on my Believing. I need to Trust and not care about the Details.
I’ve been in Dissection of the Soul too much lately.
I need to move to the Art of the Self.
The Soul is Dream. Pure Dream.
I meditated on the Vision.
Two Seconds later, I saw it and understood.
You aren’t Ancient Greek!
I have to act like a Queen now. I only know how to act like a Worker. I have to act like a Queen. That is what I’m not doing. The Abundance Fruit is not at all in the Working Mindset. It’s in the Dreaming Mind. And the Trust and Logic Mind.
“Don Quixote,” I muttered. And suddenly… A memory I had almost lost, surfaced.
I had been making plans to watch Don Quixote with The Imp King a week before he went cold…
“What if…?”
I sat down to write.
My dearest.
It just occurred to me. You never watched Don Quixote or Man of La Mancha with me. And there was a reason why I wanted you to. There is a very VERY good reason why I wanted to watch that with you. My beautiful man.
So I will tell you this story now.
Once upon a time, there was an old man who was a scholar and who loved to read, but he was alone. He spent much of his time living in Story. And through his books, he saw the world as it should be and not as it was. He read about Knights and Dragons. And he learned that this — this was the way we were meant to live. As Knights for a Quest of what is Right and for the Pursuit of Impossible Dreams. And so at his old age, this old man took the name Don Quixote. He recruited the help of his neighbor, Sancho Panza, and Don Quixote dressed himself in armor he fashioned from around the house, and he went out to right the world of all its wrongs.
He saw Monsters and Villains where others did not. He played and dreamed — not for the escape of it — but for the Truth in himself that he sought. But others believed him to be just mad. Don Quixote then came to an old inn, but there he saw a Castle. And within he saw the Kitchen Wench Aldonza, but to him, he saw a Lady. And he called her Dulcinea.
Now, Aldonza was very much like me. She had been beaten and raped. She was unwanted and used. She had been raised in filth and sewage. Men abused her and used her. She had never known love. And when this man claiming to be a knight came and saw her and called her a Lady, she screamed at his kindness and she raged. But Don Quixote did not budge from his Reality. Despite her filth and rags, he saw the Lady in within the Kitchen Slut’s Soul.
He persisted and treated her with the greatest of kindness. And this Kindness confused her. She fought him and was angry. She did not understand this Love or Kindness he showed her.
The men at the inn were horrible men and they often teased and abused Aldonza. It was one night, the teasing grew into abuse, and they attacked Aldonza, but Don Quixote and Sancho Panza stepped in and they fought the men. And they won.
Together, Aldonza, Don Quixote, and Sancho defeated the men.
They celebrated their victory and then, Don Quixote took up a bucket of water and a rag to tend to his enemy’s wounds as is the custom of Knights. But Aldonza stepped in and said, “No. I am your Lady, the Lady of a Knight. I will go in your stead.”
And so Aldonza went to tend to the men who were wounded from battle.
But they raped her. And then, after they were finished, the men dumped her at the side of the road as they left the inn.
The next morning, Don Quixote rose up and left the Inn with Sancho, unconcerned with Aldonza not seeing them off — only to find her then on the side of the road.
Don Quixote was dismayed and at once he tended to his Lady, he sought to pick up her and care for her, but Aldonza fired back.
“LOOK at me! See me as I really am!” But Don Quixote would not budge. “YOU ARE MY LADY, DULCINEA!”
And she screamed back, “I am a whore and a kitchen slut unwanted by my parents and used and abused by men!”
But Don Quixote could only see His Lady Dulcinea.
It was at this time that The Knight of Reality appeared amid the argument between Aldonza and Don Quixote. And the Knight of Reality challenged Don Quixote to a dual. Don Quixote accepted under the agreement that if the Knight of Reality lost, he would beg for forgiveness of his Lady Dulcinea for all the deeds of Men who had wronged her. Aldonza was shocked and the Knight of Reality accepted the terms.
They prepared for the duel and as Don Quixote charged, The Knight of Reality called into action his Squires and all of them revealed their Mirrors of Reality. They surrounded Don Quixote with the mirrors, and they forced the Don to see himself as they saw him — an Old Man looking like a Fool dressed in old dishes and objects fashioned to look like a child’s costume.
Don Quixote — forced to face the Reflections of other Men’s Perspectives — fell to the ground unconscious.
Back at the Old Man’s home, Sancho learns that the Knight of Reality was really the local Priest and Healer sent by the Old Man’s niece “to help him.” Don Quixote lay, awake, and catatonic in bed. Staring off, not speaking, into nothing.
Sancho Panza tried talking to the Old Man, but they told Sancho no talk of Knights or Dragons. Sancho talked for a bit about the farm and his wife, but then, he whispered about the adventures they had and the Monsters and Giants they defeated. The Priest was enraged and moved to take Sancho from the room when the Old Man spoke.
He was awake and returned to the World, but no memory existed of Don Quixote. He was frail and weak and dying. The Priest offered to give him last rites when a screaming came from the hall. There was a tumult and then Aldonza burst into the room fighting to speak to Don Quixote. The Priest and Niece rushed to move her out, but the old man spoke. “Let the woman speak!”
Aldonza fell to the Old Man’s bed on her knees, but the Old Man did not know the woman.
“I am Aldonza,” she said. “You looked at me and called me by another name. You called me Dulcinea. And I am your Lady, my Lord.”
And the Old Man said, “I am no Lord.”
“You are to me,” she said. “You came to me talking of Knights and Dragons.”
“I thought it was a Dream,” he said.
“You spoke of a Dream and about a Quest,” Dulcinea said.
And something stirred in the Old Man, but still he couldn’t remember. “Tell me,” he said. “What are the words?”
“To dream the impossible dream. To fight the unbeatable foe. To bear with unbearable sorrow. And to run where the brave dare not go. To right the unrightable wrong and to love pure and chaste from afar. To try when your arms are too weary. To reach the unreachable star.
This is my quest, To follow that star no matter how hopeless no matter how far. To fight for what’s right without question or pause. To be willing to march into Hell for a Heavenly cause… and I know if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest that my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this, that one man, scorned and covered with scars, still strove with his last ounce of courage. to reach the unreachable star.”
And at this, The Old Man remembered. His eyes cleared and he was Don Quixote once more. And he looked down to the Lady on her knees, and he said, “This is not right. You, on your knees to me.” And he stood her up as he rose from his bed and he called to Sancho for his spear and to ready his horse…
But his body, frail and weak, collapsed and Don Quixote there died in Dulcinea’s arms beside Sancho.
And I wanted to show you this movie because I wanted to say to you after it ended :
“You… You were Don Quixote to me, and I was Aldonza. But you looked at me and you saw Dulcinea. And no matter what happened, you looked at me and you saw who I truly was. And I fought you because you proved the Lies in my head were Lies. And then — after a while — I had no choice but to see the Truth. That I was a Queen who deserved so much better than all the men who raped me and called me their whore. That I needed to raise my Standard to that of a Queen that only I could see because you showed me who I was in your eyes filled with Love for me.”
And that is what you did for me.
You treated me like your Lady Dulcinea where everyone else just saw Aldonza the Whore.
And now I think — If I can do for you what you did for me — If only you too could see it. That I see a King when I look at you and I see a God when I look at you. Just as you looked at a Kitchen Slut and a Whore and saw a Goddess Queen before you, Maybe, I too could help you remember who you are.
And it was the Truth of my Soul that I saw reflected in your eyes when you looked at me that healed me and cured me.
And so… I am begging you to please remember that you are the God King. It’s there inside of you. I saw it the moment I looked at you and I know you. Just as you saw me as I really am despite my past and the sick I had. But, my love, I saw you too as you really were.
And also — My Love — I thought, If Miguel De Cervantes in the year 1515 could write a story about a Man healing a Woman just by showing her The Truth of her Reflected in his Eyes filled with Love, and if she could heal him by showing him Love by staying with him even when he didn’t remember himself — and also, if, in the year 2021 and 2022, you could heal this woman just by showing her The Truth of her Reflected in your Eyes filled with Love, then maybe — Just maybe — she could heal him by showing him Love by staying with him even when he didn’t remember even himself.
Because, according to Math, that’s a Pattern and so it’s Truth. And the real Cure to Mental Illness is not anything more than just Others Believing with Love in our own Great Power what we fail to see in ourselves during our lowest of times. To Love others so deeply that, when you no longer can Love, those you did love so deeply once, remain at your side even at your lowest, even though you have forgotten who you are. My beautiful man. This is who you are. How you loved all others is who you are and not at all how you were loved in return. Remember, instead how you loved others and gave love unconditionally. Over and over despite your hurt and pain. You, my Love, are a God and a King of Love because that is how you Love others.
I am here still because this is how much you did love me once. So much that I sit with you now and beg you to please remember who you are.
So, God King, I know what is inside of you because you loved me with that part of you so much that I am here. Because it is also a known fact that the one who Heals the Powerful is stronger than the Powerful. If I am a Goddess Queen — and I am — and if you healed me — and you did — then that makes you The God King. And it makes you more powerful — more Wise, more Logical, more Loving — than me. And that is who you are. That is your Metric.
You are the Man who loves others so much that it heals them and earns you eternal Loyalty and Love. You are the God of Love, and I am so very deeply in love with him.
And I will sit by you and beg you to remember your Dreams and how you played with me. And how you dreamed about wanting to change this world. And how frustrated and angry you were because you felt like you couldn’t save this world… Oh, but you can. You are a Knight with that Dream, just like me. And you will remember. And when you do… I will be just so happy to see you again and I will ask you which adventures we will be going on next. And can we please take The Ship.
I go where you go, my King.
**kisses your forehead**
Love,
Anna